Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
