no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
