From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
