Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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