i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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