There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
