and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
