Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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