I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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