dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
