My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
