Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
