I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
