I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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