Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
