if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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