I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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