He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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