forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
