Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
