So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
