guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
