Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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