we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
