You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
