There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
