So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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