My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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