Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm bleeding and have questions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
