Sry I called you an 8
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
