Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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