is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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