matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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