so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
