none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
