I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm really busy with my period
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