This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
