No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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