Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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