if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That accounts for only three of the penises
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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