There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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