Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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