I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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