Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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