At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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