I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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