Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
