I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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