No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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