Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
