While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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