I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
