The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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