i think my tv is drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
try to milk me bitch
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