if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize