Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
