I think im going to throw up on grandma
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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