Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
