oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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