i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
