You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
