if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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