"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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