this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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