OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
