This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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