It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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